I was sitting in my “MacOffice” (McDonald’s) doing some work. The place was full of noise—people talking, kids laughing, the hum of the fryers. And then, a song came on the overhead speakers.
Air Supply. “All Out of Love.”
It wasn’t just a song. It was the song. It was the song that played at our wedding over 20 freaking years ago.
Normally, when a song like that comes on, I am in my Kia Forte. I have the power of protection. I can hit the button, change the station, or just turn the damn radio off. But I was in public. I didn’t have the power to shut it down.
Instantly, I was transported back. The tears started welling up. My mind went straight to the rearview mirror.
If you are a divorced dad, you know exactly what I am talking about. The Divorce Triggers. They hit you when you least expect it, and if you aren’t ready, they will run you right off the road.
The Danger of Driving in the Rearview Mirror
When that song hit, the Left Hand (The Destroyer) tried to take the wheel.
- The Thought: Look at all those broken promises.
- The Belief: I lost everything.
- The Emotion: Grief, anger, and shame.
When you get triggered, your mind forces you to stare into the rearview mirror. And as the warning says: Objects in the mirror may appear bigger than they are. The pain, the regret, the mistakes—they all fly at you.
Have you ever tried driving 70 miles per hour down the freeway while staring at the rearview mirror? You are going to crash. That was me, 20 years ago. I let the triggers drive, and I ended up crashing so hard I was homeless in Houston for six months.
I didn’t just lose my life back then. I destroyed it.
The Pattern Interrupt (Flipping the Trigger)
I couldn’t turn the song off in McDonald’s. But I remembered the Hand GPS.
Right there in public, I did a Pattern Interrupt. I physically stopped. I sucked my thumb (yeah, I did). I took a breath. I pulled the air brakes on my mind.
I decided I was not going to let that song destroy my afternoon. I have two kids who need me to be a Builder today, not a Destroyer stuck in the past. I shifted my focus to the Right Hand.
I began with the End in Mind. I pictured my kids. I pictured the legacy I am trying to build for them now.
By the end of that Air Supply song, I wasn’t crying over a broken marriage. I was smiling because I realized how far I’ve come. I took a bad trigger and turned it into a reminder of my strength.
The Financial Storm (Making Every Dollar a Soldier)
Emotional triggers aren’t the only storms we face. We are also getting hit by Financial Devastation.
I had a “financial flat tire” this week. I looked at my bank account, and a $59.99 charge came through for a subscription I forgot I had, right before payday. It happens to the best of us. We run out of money before we run out of month.
But instead of letting that trigger a panic attack (The Destroyer), I went into Builder mode. I called the bank. I put a stop payment on the vendor. Done.
When you are rebuilding your life after a divorce, you have to be the General of your bank account. You must make every dollar a soldier. You tell those soldiers exactly where to go and what hill to take.
Why do you think I choose to live out of my Kia Forte right now? It is by choice, not by chance like when I was in Houston. I choose not to pay rent on a second household so I can pay my VA to help me build this Convoy Broadcasting System to reach you guys.
I send my dollar soldiers to fund the mission, not my comfort.
Don’t Drive Alone
Whether you are dealing with a wedding song making you cry in public, or a bank overdraft making you panic in private, you do not have to white-knuckle this ride alone.
1. Join the Fortress We have 5,000 brothers in the Facebook group who know exactly what it feels like to get triggered. Join the Brotherhood Here
2. Watch the Live Breakthrough See me talk through this trigger (and my financial flat tire) live from the MacOffice. Watch on YouTube
3. Fuel the Mission If this post helped you flip a trigger today, consider sending a dollar soldier to help keep the Convoy rolling. Buy a Gallon of Convoy Fuel ($5)
Stop staring in the rearview mirror, driver. The windshield is a lot bigger for a reason.